Tag Archives: #chronicpain

12 ways I hide my Fibromyalgia Pain and other symptoms

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1. People with chronic pain learn to hide their pain well. You are probably thinking – pain is not visible. Pain itself isn’t visible, but when my pain levels are so intense – it makes me drop e to the floor and all I can do is cry. That is visible! Just because I have a smile on my face, doesn’t mean I don’t have pain. I have pain everyday – the only thing that changes is the intensity levels of the pain. The pain does not go away.

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2. I stay at home on my worst days. No one ever sees my worst days. I only tend to leave the house when I feel not too bad. Even doctors hardly ever see my bad days, yet alone friends. Since you only see me on my good days, you may think fibromyalgia isn’t as bad as it seems. If you take a few moments to speak to the people I live with – who witness my bad days head on, you may actually take a step back and realize how painful and life altering fibromyalgia can be.

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3. I often pretend the pain I have isn’t there. I may have pain in my knees, but try to walk and carry myself as if the pain isn’t there. When you see me at the store and stop to talk, you won’t know I’m having that extreme knee pain nor will you find I mention pain at all. Unless others experience chronic pain themselves, they will never understand what it feels like. It is not your everyday pain – it is worse.

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4. I use a lot of medications to drown out the pain so I can half function when I leave the house. I don’t mean just take a Tylenol. Tylenol doesn’t ease my levels of pain like it may ease your backpain. You should see the endless bottles of prescription medications I take daily. You may understand after seeing my “pharmacy” in the kitchen cupboard how I am able to half function. If I do not take these medications I can’t even get out of bed, yet alone function to leave the house.

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5. I force myself to be okay when I am actually not. I may tell you I’m ok, but inside my body wants to just shut down and collapse to the ground. When you see me, I may want to actually lay down like a 2 year old kicking and screaming in a temper tantrum, from the frustration that goes along with any chronic illness – but instead I force a fake smile upon my face.

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6. I often isolate myself from having to socialize with others. It is easier to stay home then explain to people why I do not work or why I have to leave a get together suddenly because I need to rest. I don’t like to explain to people why I don’t work and why I am not having an alcoholic beverage! To be honest socializing can become absolutely exhausting for people who deal with chronic pain 24/7.

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7. I hide the emotional aspect of fibromyalgia, I used to be embarrassed about the mental toll fibromyalgia has had on me. Chronic illnesses can create anxiety, depression and panic attacks to form. I bet when you talk to me you would never know I actually have an extreme anxiety disorder. It is being managed, but circumstances and pain levels can trigger an anxiety attack to take place.

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8. I usually give a short answer when Asked how Am I doing. It is too hard to actually explain how I am doing. I often say I am doing okay when I am not to avoid being told, ” I hope you feel better soon!” I have a chronic pain condition with no cure. Chronic means it will most likely not go away.

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9. I tend to hide my pain behind humor. I may be in pain, but I still can joke. Might as well joke instead of cry.

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10. When you see me you may think I dress the way I do to be comfortable. The truth is the baggy sweaters and sweat pants hide my bloated stomach. Many people with fibromyalgia also suffer from stomach issues. I am one of those “lucky” people.

11. People often ask why I don’t feel well. If I know they won’t be able to fully understand what fibromyalgia is I often say I must have a flu bug or a migraine. It is just easier then having to explain to people what fibromyalgia is and how it affects me.

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12. I often forget what I am saying and lose my train of thought. It is part of fibro fog, but I often joke it must be “old age ” setting in, instead of explaining why my cognitive functioning is affected by fibromyalgia.

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Fibromyalgia what you should know about me…

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WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT Me

Author’s note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be. Please do not take these people and their pain lightly. You wouldn’t want to spend even a day in their shoes…or their bodies. This is not my post. Im just reposting to share with everyone!

  • My pain – My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.
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2. My fatigue – I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can’t. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can’t help you with yard work today, it isn’t because I don’t want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.

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3. My forgetfulness – Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don’t have any short-term memory at all.

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4. My clumsiness – If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.

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5. My sensitivities – I just can’t stand it! “It” could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the “aggravating everything disorder.” So don’t make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can’t stand it.

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6. My intolerance – I can’t stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat…profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don’t feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don’t be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it’s cold. I don’t tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.

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7. My depression – Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian’s patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.

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8. My stress – My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I’m not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.

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9. My weight – I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appestat is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.

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10. My need for therapy – If I get a massage every week, don’t envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.

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11. My good days – If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don’t assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.

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12. my uniqueness – Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.

I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.

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Do People Grieve when Diagnosed with Chronic Conditions?

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When anyone is diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I feel as if that person grieves who they once were and have to come to accept who they have become. Fibromyalgia alters a person’s life so drastically. Every area of your life is usually impacted to some degree. It took me awhile to realize this. Whether it is a minor change or enormous change, people with fibromyalgia have to learn to live with chronic pain being present in their everyday lives. One of the hardest things to do is to accept and be okay with your diagnosis. At least for me, I felt I was in denial for the longest time. On my good days I often thought to myself, “Awesome I’m better and I can return back to my life before fibromyalgia took a front seat.” When the good day starts to fade into the background and the pain begins to slowly creep back in, emotions can run high and spiral all over the place.

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Have you ever heard of the grief cycle? I first learned about the stages of grief when I was enrolled in a psychology course – training to become a mental health rehabilitation worker. When people close to us, pass away and we are grieving the loss, our emotions tend to be all over the place – one minute you are happy, the next sad, or anger sets in. It got thinking, this grief cycle can also be applied to those who live with a chronic condition such as fibromyalgia. No matter what a person is grieving, there can be five different stages of grief that you may go through. I know some grief models discuss seven stages, but in my blog, I will be referring to the 5 stages of grief model. Not everyone will follow these stages in the same order, nor go through each stage. One can also be in a stage and revert back to the previous stage. We all are equipped with different coping mechanisms and grief will affect each and every one of us differently!!

In my own fibromyalgia journey in the last three years, I know I have been in stages of grief and returned several times to different stages. Just like the above picture, my road looked like the image on the right side. I still find myself having mixed emotions – and I dont think that will ever stop. Having fibromyalgia is like being on a rollercoaster- ups and downs. I go back and forth between the different stages, even though I have accepted that my life will look differently then before diagnosis.

Denial – When I first got diagnosed I was shocked with the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I had a doctor tell me years ago (2014 ish) that he suspected I had fibromyalgia then. I shrugged it off and never thought about it again. Back to 2019…I initially went to the doctor because I was always tired – which soon became apparent that it was fatigue not just tiredness. My hands and elbows were always in constant pain too. The initial action of any doctor is to probably run blood work. Mine kept coming back normal. As the pain got worse over a short period of time, my doctor diagnose me with fibromyalgia as there was no other explanation. I took some time off of work to try to get the symptoms under control. I convinced myself that the migrating pain and the deep down to the bone wrenching aches would just go away and I’d be back to work the following week. I even found myself thinking to myself, “I’m just over thinking things, the pain isn’t really there.” I even tried to convince myself that it was just a bad flu bug, even after diagnosis. I took longer off work, thinking I could heal my fibromyalgia – what I didn’t realize at the time was there no cure to fibromyalgia, only learning how to manage symptoms and learn to accept a new way of living. My medical leave from work, turned into months, a year and so on. It took me close to three years to accept my diagnosis. There are still days where I wonder if something is still undiagnosed and it really isnt fibromyalgia. For now, I carry on with life as if it is fibromyalgia and do the best, I can do every day. Some days I make it from the bed to the couch and that’s ok!!

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I often find myself back to this stage. Fibromyalgia takes so much away from a person. I have learned we often take things for granted. A task such as brushing your teeth, walking up a set of stairs or even getting out of bed every morning can become so daunting – especially when you have chronic pain involved. If I do push myself to go out and do something it results in a full-blown fibro flare. Then I find myself angry with myself for pushing too hard. I know my limits, but some days, in order to enjoy life, one has to endure the pain. I find myself being angry because I don’t have the energy to go for a coffee with a friend, a birthday celebration or even a vacation away. Fibromyalgia has taken away from me being able to take part in all my favorite hobbies such as hiking or playing golf. I’ve had to learn to enjoy new hobbies – which some days means binge watching a favorite tv show on Netflix to pass the day in pain. I used to read a book a week, now I can’t get through a book at all. My new hobby is to listen to an audiobook instead.

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Research often reports that depression is high for those who get diagnosed with a chronic condition. How can one not become depressed when they have lost so much independence and enjoyment? For the most part, humans are very sociable, but for those who are dealing with chronic pain and fatigue, your social life soon takes a backseat. I have had to cancel plans so many times, due to the fact that I just don’t feel good enough to leave the house. It becomes very frustrating, and one can start to feel depressed from having to isolate themselves due to high pain levels. I’ve become horrible at keeping in touch with friends and family since I have been diagnosed. As of late, I try to at least text people to say hi. I never hit a full depression stage, but I would definitely say I was “down in the dumps.” I did seem to develop major anxiety which can also contribute to depressive states. I don’t have any words of wisdom for this stage, because I’m still struggling with this stage myself. I’m currently trying to live in the now and not worry about what I can’t control in regard to my fibromyalgia. I’ve learned my fibromyalgia symptoms do what they want when they want, and I can’t prevent them. I have to deal with it when it happens. I often feel overwhelmed by the endless symptoms that appear everyday with no warning. I’ve learned its ok to be angry!! Just like the saying says, “It’s okay to have bad days, just don’t unpack there!!”

At this stage, one often thinks if I take specific steps the chronic pain will disappear. I had it in my mind that if I increased my exercise and went swimming, I would get better, or if I go for more walks the pain will disappear. Boy was I wrong. Not only did it increase my pain levels, i created false hope of fixing myself. Don’t get me wrong, exercise is important, but in my specific case, adding exercise was not the simple answer. I attended a pain clinic with high hopes they could fix me. Even though I knew there was no cure for fibromyalgia, I thought specific actions would make it go away and my life return back to normal! I often would think to myself, if only I had listened to the doctor back in 2014 maybe I could have avoided being in so much pain today. Stop beating yourself up!! We are often too hard on ourselves.

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Acceptance. This is the last stage. This is where one learns to be okay with the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. We have to learn how to live with a chronic condition and make changes to our lives to be able to function. It is not an easy task to learn to accept – that your life that once was, will never exist again. You have to learn to live and navigate a whole new world – the life living with chronic pain, fatigue and other symptoms that may rear their ugliness. Acceptance can be easier for some, while others may need longer to accept the reality of the situation. It took me almost three years to accept mine. Remember, there is no time frame to acceptance.

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Fibromyalgia and Insomnia

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Fibromyalgia and insomnia seem to have a high correlation. In all the research I have done on fibromyalgia in the last three years, I have never found a solid explanation as to why people who have fibromyalgia suffer from insomnia. In the book, “What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia“, a study states out of 665 males – 80% suffered from insomnia, while out of 4, 075 women 88% reported problems of insomnia. As we know, getting a good night sleep is important for anyone. The less sleep a person gets the less energy reserve one has, causing various negative effects such as cognitive changes. For people with fibromyalgia, insomnia can become a nightly issue. Decreased sleep can cause a person’s pain threshold to become lower. People who have fibromyalgia already have a lower pain threshold to begin with. This is due to desensitization – which will decrease one’s pain threshold even lower as time goes on. With a lower pain threshold, higher levels of chronic pain are formed, and the pain is felt at even higher rates. In all my research, before improving any other fibromyalgia symptoms, the number one advice listed in many sources is – one must first fix their sleep or at least improve their sleep. Sounds easy right? But that is not the case. It is not just an easy fix. I’ve had bouts of insomnia on and off for years, but after so long my body just crashed and I would sleep. These days no matter what I do to try to improve my sleep, it does not happen and results in insomnia. For the last week I have been sleeping poorly. In turn my pain levels have been hitting levels of ten and I’ve been exhausted.

Some of the remedies to help lesson insomnia sound very straight forward, but reality is they are much more difficult than one thinks when factoring in chronic pain/fatigue. Here is what I have struggled with trying to improve sleep quality and quantity.

  1. Stay active and don’t become sedentary. Not so easy when you live with chronic pain and chronic fatigue. Just getting out of bed some days is difficult enough. If you have read my pacing blog – remember the spoon theory? Some days I don’t have a spoon to use to exercise.
  2. Stick to a sleep schedule. I tend to go to bed early and at the same time every night – due to the fact that if I go to bed even an hour later then I usually do, I can’t function at all the next day. Getting up at the same time every morning is a different story. Who wants to drag themselves out of bed if they have not slept at all or very little? Just to keep a scheduled sleep schedule? I rather get sleep when I can.
  3. Lots of times people overlook their medication list as a cause of insomnia. Many medications can have a side effect of insomnia. After researching and speaking to a pharmacist I have come to learn that many of the medications I take to manage my pain, have a possible side effect of insomnia. For example, my one medication I use to manage my migraines, can possibly cause a reduction in melatonin levels being secreted. Melatonin is naturally released in our bodies, and it is an important hormone to trigger optimal sleep. Many doctors may make a suggestion to try melatonin supplements to help with sleep. You can buy these in the vitamin section in any pharmacy (at least in Canada). Before adding in melatonin, I would suggest speaking to your doctor or pharmacist. For myself, I found these melatonin supplements caused me to have very intense and weird dreams, so I stopped using them.
  4. Avoid or limit naps during the day. For myself I need to rest when tired, otherwise the fatigue levels get worse, pain levels increase, and my ability to function over all decreases drastically.
  5. Pain during the night? There are medications out there that can limit pain, but people who have fibromyalgia are often on medications already to help with pain levels. At night pain often wakes me up, and then I cannot get back to sleep. I end up tossing and turning the rest of the night and getting out of bed in the morning feeling like I am a zombie. I’ve yet to find a solution to this issue.
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You can find more information about insomnia by clicking here, which will redirect you to the Mayo Clinic website.

It is always a good idea to have a sleep study completed to make sure it isn’t sleep apnea. After my appointment with my neurologist, it was suggested I get a sleep test done to rule out apnea. The take home apnea test is simple to hook up. The only issue I had was getting tangled in the cords at night. My test came back negative, but I know a few others with fibromyalgia who tested positive on their test. Once they got a C-pap machine to use at night, their sleep improved immensely.

The use of sleeping pills to help get the necessary sleep needed, can be a touchy subject. I have found that many doctors do not like to recommend sleeping pills and are very hesitant to prescribe them. Many sleeping pills can become habit forming and an individual can become reliant on the use of these pills. In my case, I decided using sleeping pills – the benefits outweighed the risks. I used to use Zopiclone – which did help me sleep, but this drug is not meant to be used long term or nightly. I would use it one night- get a wonderful sleep and then not use it for nights to come. I would go 2-3 nights without sleep and then breakdown and take one. When I did take it, the medication was not out of my system by morning, and I was often left groggy half the day. My doctor and I had a very in-depth discussion about sleeping pills and he switched me over to another one, which is safe to use nightly and the groggy feeling wears off by morning. Even with the use of a nightly sleeping pill I often wake up anywhere from five to ten times a night – experiencing choppy sleep patterns and feel very fatigued during the day. Even on the nights I do manage to get a solid night’s sleep, I wake up feeling extremely fatigued. However, I am a firm believer I also have chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), alongside my fibromyalgia. The two conditions usually go hand in hand, but I have never been given a solid diagnosis of CFS by a doctor. If you have done any research on chronic fatigue syndrome, you have probably learned that fatigue experienced with this condition will not go away with sleep. I will be writing a blog on chronic fatigue syndrome soon!

Failing to get enough sleep can have many negative effects on one’s body. I won’t list these effects here because the list is way too long to begin to discuss. The pictures at the end of this blog, show many side effects lack of sleep and insomnia can have on one’s body. I will pick a few effects lack of sleep can have and discuss further in future blog posts. Stay tuned.

The best advice I can give to anyone who is experiencing insomnia alongside with their fibromyalgia, is to have a conversation with your doctor, and come up with a plan to help you with sleep. Everyone’s situation will be different. It may be a trial-and-error situation, to see what works best for you! As you can see even after three years, I still struggle with improving my sleep quantity and quality. Every night is different.

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Fibromyalgia? Flu? Another illness? Autoimmune?

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One day you begin to feel aches and pains in different areas of your body. You assume you have a flu. You take the extra time to care for yourself to ease the body aches you feel – applying heat, ice, soak in a warm bath, take some cold/flu pills to help…Whatever you personally find helps you ease aches and pains from a flu. Nothing eases the dull pain and aches you feel. You make the trip to the doctor’s office in hopes of a professional’s opinion and relief. Your doctor does a physical exam and finds nothing physically wrong and orders bloodwork to investigate further. You return home and continue to try to ease the symptoms of this horrible flu bug you think you have caught. Results come back from your bloodwork and reveals nothing is wrong. No abnormalities detected to indicate your body is malfunctioning in any way. Your doctor decides to run blood work a second time. In the meantime, your body is so tired and fatigued from the consistent aching and pain that you begin to become mentally and physically exhausted. As the days go by the pain continues to become more intense and you notice more areas of your body begin to ache and different intensities of pain levels begin to form. The fatigue and pain become unbearable. You go back to the doctor to get the results. NORMAL? ‘How can everything be coming back normal when I hurt so bad? “Why do I hurt the way I do?” “What is causing my pain? ” Your doctor responds with, “I suspect you have fibromyalgia.” You take a moment for this to sink in and absorb the presented information. Does this story sound familiar? I often hear the same story from many other fibromyalgia sufferers. Some of us have heard of fibromyalgia while some of us have never heard of this diagnosis. Whether you have heard of fibromyalgia or not, most likely you went home to begin your own personal research on fibromyalgia. This is where my journey began. What about you? There is much more to fibromyalgia then just the aches and pains.

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The diagnosis process can be very long and a drawn-out process and become frustrating. Doctors often diagnose fibromyalgia from symptoms (which I won’t list here as there are a lot) and possibly will conduct a physical exam as in fibromyalgia, there are 18 trigger point/tender point areas on a person’s body. Some or all of these areas will be tender to the touch. Scroll to the end of this article to see a picture of these tender point areas. For myself I have all 18 areas that are tender to the touch – however my upper back, legs and arms are the most sensitive areas, but the areas can change daily. As most of us know there is not a specific test that can detect fibromyalgia (at least in Canada). I have read articles posted in other areas of the world stating there is now a test that can be conducted to determine if you have Fibromyalgia. I am not sure if this is accurate information, but in a perfect world, wouldn’t it be wonderful to just get a test done to confirm the assumption?!?! I found not having a solid yes on diagnosis hard to accept. I was in denial for the longest time and second guessing my health. Fibromyalgia is diagnosed by eliminating possibilities of other illnesses and conditions prior, which can take time. My doctor diagnosed me fairly quickly – almost so quickly that I wondered if I was really fibromyalgia or misdiagnosed. However, over the years I have seen specialists such as a rheumatologist and neurologist who firmly have agreed with my primary doctor’s diagnosis of fibromyalgia. There are many other conditions that have some overlapping symptoms of fibromyalgia and can be mimic fibromyalgia such as rheumatoid arthritis, Lyme disease, multiple sclerosis (MS) lupus and polymyalgia rheumatica. I’m sure there are other conditions that could possibly mimic fibromyalgia. The above listed are conditions that I read about in my own research. All my blood work kept coming back with no detected abnormalities – no indication of autoimmune disorders. I even requested an MRI be completed to check for brain lesions that may detect MS. To my surprise, a lesion was detected on my brainstem, which is usually an indication of MS. My neurologist quickly ordered a second MRI, to rescan and also had my cervical neck scanned for further lesions. In the end my results never revealed any further lesions and my neurologist stuck with the fibromyalgia diagnosis but never full ruled out MS. My primary doctor was very through in his tests prior to me seeing specialist. My neurologist was impressed at how through he was and ran all necessary tests needed and reran those tests more than once to make sure the results were conclusive.

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My advice to you, if you are still in the diagnosis stage and suspect you may have fibromyalgia and want your doctor to investigate further……

  1. Be sure to see doctors, specialists, and any other health care providers that believe in fibromyalgia. There are many health care providers out there that still think fibromyalgia is in one’s head or are not up to current information on fibromyalgia. Never let anyone convince you that fibromyalgia is just a mental state, and you are imagining it. The pain we feel is real and so are the symptoms experienced. I questioned this myself early on and wondered if I was mentally ill – thinking I was in pain, and it was not really there. The best thing my doctor did was tell me the pain I feel is real and that I was not just going crazy!
  2. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask as many as need!
  3. Do your own research. Arm yourself with knowledge. Doctors often discourage you from researching on your own. My doctor encouraged it. It helped me understand fibromyalgia on a different level. Doctors often explain in medical terms which can be confusing and face it “over our heads”. Reaching it yourself and reading it in simpler terms is easier to understand and comprehend without a medical background.
  4. Try to connect with other people diagnosed with fibromyalgia. There are so many wonderful groups on Facebook these days help us stay connected. Connecting with others who are experiencing the exact same as you or similar, even if they are at a distance makes one feel not so alone during this journey.

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