Tag Archives: chronic illness

You can’t put a time limit on learning to manage fibromyalgia or any chronic condition

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When I first got diagnosed with fibromyalgia I was set out to fix myself – the doctor wrote a letter to keep me off of work for two weeks to try to figure out how to get a handle on my fibromyalgia. Little did I know, learning to manage fibromyalgia was not just a two week process. My two weeks on medical leave ended before I even figured out what fibromyalgia was! Weeks turned into months, then a year – Here I find myself three and a half years later. I have realized you can’t put a time limit on learning to live with fibromyalgia – as it can change drastically in minutes. After all – it is considered a chronic condition.

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My doctor referred me to a persistent pain clinic after I had a rheumatologist confirm my fibromyalgia diagnosis. Pain clinics usually function as a multidisciplinary team. The team works together to help relief pain and help you learn how to maintain the pain on a daily basis. I had high hopes when I finally got a call back to come in for my initial appointment. After a few appointments at the pain clinic I soon questioned myself to whether I made the right choice in attending a pain clinic. There are many mixed emotions on pain clinics. Some people feel they have benefited from them, while others are at the totally opposite end of the scale and express they have not helped manage their chronic pain at all. My experience was by far the worst experience of my life.

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With that being said, I come to my first word of advice about learning to live with fibromyalgia.

1. Take your health into your own hands and take responsibility. Don’t wait for someone to “fix” you. I soon realized that many health care providers did not want to help guide me in trying to manage my fibromyalgia. It is not our fault we got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but it is our responsibility to step up, and try to improve symptoms.

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2. Learn your limitations! Do not let anyone else determine these limitations for you. You know your body best- especially if you learn to pay attention to the warning signs! I always explain to doctors that I know I am close to my limit by a certain level of pain or fatigue at the time. No one else can determine this, but YOU! Obviously everyone has a different pain threshold and tolerance. It took me months to realize when to stop and rest. I can’t even begin to put it into minutes. Usually we are asked by health care providers how long can we work at a task before the pain or fatigue set it. I stopped trying to explain this to people in minutes, because frankly it changes everyday. I now explain – until I feel a certain pain level or fatigue.

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Let’s talk about pain threshold for a second. A pain threshold is a ” minimum intensity at which a person begins to perceive a stimulus as being painful.” If you push yourself way over this pain threshold – you will experience more pain or a fibro flare. Experts say to push yourself just above this threshold line, to allow your pain tolerance to slowly increase.

3. Learn your strengths! I learned a long time ago, instead of concentrating on weaknesses, one should find their strengths. Your strengths can help build up your weaknesses. If you focus solely on your weaknesses you may feel defeated. Fibromyalgia can bring about many weaknesses/limitations. By building off your strengths, one will be more motivated and involved in their treatment routes too! Example: I may be able to walk for 10 minutes at a time. Before fibromyalgia took a front seat I could walk hours on end. However, walking 10 minutes is a strength in my eyes. Not my weakness. I can still walk and move! A ten minute walk is better then zero? Correct?

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4. Don’t compare yourself or allow anyone to compare you to others. If you know others with fibromyalgia and you are also faced with having to learn to live with fibromyalgia – don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t let health care providers compare you to other patients with fibromyalgia either! Your fibromyalgia journey is your own. You can’t begin to compare yourself to others. You may experience the same symptoms, but the way your body responds will be far different. I’ve had health care providers tell me they saw success when a specific patient did a certain exercise routine. That same routine caused me flare ups every time.

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5. Self care is not negotiable. Life gets busy and it begins to pass by in the blink of an eye. Our schedules get hectic and we often forget to take those moments for self care. I soon realized when living with fibromyalgia, self care is not an option – it is a SURVIVAL tool. You must take those moment to indulge self-care practices – even if it is five minutes to watch the last few moments of the sunset disappear behind the horizon while you drink a cup a tea from your favorite coffee mug. There are many other ways to take part in selfcare. Try a 30 day self care challenge like the one below!

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6. Learn to live life at a slower pace. Ever hear the saying, ” stop and smell the roses!” It simply means slow down and enjoy life. It is hard to enjoy life when we live in constant pain all the time, but living with fibromyalgia has taught me to slow down and look at life a little differently. When I slowed down ( I was always on the go) my pain levels began to lower. Having a slower paced life, does not mean you have failed. It means you are doing what your body needs – and that is okay!

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Now is all we have. We don’t know what an hour from now will look like or even what tomorrow will bring. One moment you are feeling well enough to get something done, the next there is severe pain ruining your day. The unpredictability of fibromyalgia had made me realize I have to live in the NOW. Is this why we are often told to work at being more mindful? Did you know practicing mindfulness can help relieve stress, lower blood pressure, reduce chronic pain, and improve sleep!

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I have come to the conclusion learning to manage fibromyalgia is a lifetime process. You cannot put a time limit on this process. I found when I did try to set a time frame, I became frustrated and discouraged when those goals were not met. Day by day – or better yet minute by minute!

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Four reasons I blog about my fibromyalgia journey…

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You may be wondering why I write and blog about my fibromyalgia journey. There are many different reasons behind why I began blogging. Many people probably think I blog to receive attention – wrong assumption! Here are the reasons I began blogging…

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1. After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia I soon learned that I was beginning to journey down a pathway that many health care providers and people do not understand. I realized fibromyalgia was recognized as a condition, but it is very much misunderstood. After different “treatment” routes attempted and no improvements noted, my frustration soon set in. I figured people all over the world who are diagnosed with fibromyalgia, must be feeling the exact same frustration as myself. It took me a long time to find the courage to begin my blog, because I was afraid of being judged or my blog would simply fail. After months of deep consideration I started my website and promoted as much as I could. My goal was to help other fibro fighters feel not so alone. Chronic illness can be just that- lonely. It becomes a journey that is only understood by those directly affected by fibromyalgia.

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2. As I research to write blog posts, I learn more information about fibromyalgia. I’ve learned a lot of new information about fibromyalgia – probably more then most health care providers I have seen know. Most doctors know the basic information about fibromyalgia, but are they able to provide information on all the previous fibromyalgia studies completed? Probably not. The more I research, the more quality information I can also share for you all.

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3. Through blogging I am able to find purpose in life. Since being diagnosed with fibromyalgia I had to stop working, give up my career I trained in and stay home most days to learn to manage my fibromyalgia. I felt a loss of identity ( which is often felt by people with chronic illness). As human beings we seek purpose in life. We wake up, go to work, work towards a goal, ect. When one is diagnosed with chronic pain such as fibromyalgia, our whole life is turned upside down. I find since I started my blog I have a sense of purpose back. Blogging gives me a goal to work towards – helping others. It brings a sense of accomplishment when I see people connecting to what I have written! When you have purpose, you are more likely to actively seek self management for your fibromyalgia!

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I came across a 2018 study which stated that “regular blogging is potentially useful for people with chronic pain as it provides a conduit to enable them to connect with others who understand and share their experiences of pain, possibly encouraging increased participation in personally meaningful life activities, positive pain management experiences, and social connectedness.” You can read the article here.

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4. Raising awareness and fighting stigmas. Writing about fibromyalgia raises awareness – especially if people without fibromyalgia read my blog posts. My posts give people the opportunity to read and understand what living with fibromyalgia is really like. My blogs also help spread fibromyalgia information/awareness to anyone who has just recently been diagnosed as well. When you are newly diagnosed, it can be overwhelming. There is also such a stigma attached to a fibromyalgia diagnosis – even if I can make a small change in one person’s attitude towards chronic pain- I have succeeded!

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There you have it! The four main reasons I decided to begin blogging about my journey with fibromyalgia. I hope as you read my blog posts, at least one post resonates with you!

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The Spoon Theory – What is it and how to use it?

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Have you ever heard of the spoon theory?! The spoon theory was created to help give a visual picture to help illustrate the energy limitations on people who live with a chronic illnesses ( which included chronic pain). The spoons represent a unit of energy. Every task you work at during the day uses up a spoon – depleting your energy reserve. Some tasks use more spoons then others. This theory not only helps people living with the chronic illness, but also helps those living without a chronic condition understand those who live with chronic illnesses.

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The spoon theory is usually based on a 12 spoon count. You begin each day with 12 spoons. If one doesn’t get a good nights sleep, forgot medications or even skipped a meal immediately take a spoon away. If you have a cold or are sick automatically take four spoons away. Imagine starting your day with limited spoons. How would you function?! For example, you have a cold bug, were too exhausted to eat supper the night before, forgot to take your evening medication and did not sleep well. That leaves you 5 spoons left for the day.

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I was introduced to the spoon theory in the fall of 2022. Before this I had never heard of this theory before. I wish health care providers would have shown me this theory long ago. We are often told to pace ourselves during the day, but most of us struggle with what pacing looks like when factoring in chronic pain. When given the visual aid of the spoon theory, we are able to understand how to be economical in how to spread and use our energy ( spoons) through out the day! I try to refer to this theory so I remember to pace myself everyday.

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To “replenish” spoons a person needs to rest or take breaks between tasks to allow energy reserves to build back up. Keep in mind, just because you rest between tasks, does not necessarily mean your energy will rebuild. If you are like me, once I hit my limit for the day, no matter how much I rest, my energy does not seem to rebuild. Example. If I clean the floors in the morning and then rest for a few hours, my energy is still not replenished by the evening. Even though I use pacing the day, I still find myself exhausted. To help replenish spoons practicing self-care can help restock your energy.

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Here are a few examples of what helps me replenish my energy ( your list will look different)

1. Music

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2. Resting in bed

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3. Reading

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4. Time with pets

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5. Puzzles

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6. I recently found a few guided meditation sessions that relax me so much that I am almost asleep at the end of them.

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There are many websites out there explaining the spoon theory in greater depth. If you need more examples of which tasks use how many spoons, I found looking under images on google have a lot of different visual aids with different tasks. For more information on the spoon theory visit: here.

I asked! You shared! What advice would you give to a fellow fibrofighter!? 40 answers shared

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I asked the following question on many different social media platforms. “What advice would you give to a fellow fibrofighter?” I asked. You all shared. I decided to put together a post sharing all these wonderful ideas and tips. I hope those reading these can find some comfort, useful tips and feel understood.

1. Give yourself permission to take as many breaks as you need and don’t ever feel lazy or guilty about it!

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2. Slow down! Don’t push yourself!

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3. Give yourself time to grieve.

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4. Advocate for yourself.

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5. Adaption and acceptance are long term processes, they don’t come over night. You will develop routines that help you adapt to situations better.

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6. Know your limits!

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7. Having compassion for yourself is so important. Take things slowly and listen to your body.

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8. Learn to pace and read your body’s signals. This isn’t something anyone can teach you. It is something you have to figure out on your own. How much can you do in a day? How often you should take a break? How much exercise does your body needs and how much is too much? Only you can answer these questions!

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9. Breathe. Remember to breathe!

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10. Take it one day at a time. You have good days and bad days. Give yourself credit for what you can do and don’t beat yourself up over what you can’t do.

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11. It is okay to be frustrated by fibromyalgia. Especially since there is no cure. Don’t dwell on it, but allow yourself to grieve.

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12. Accept modern medicine will not cure fibromyalgia. Look at other aspects such as diet and exercise.

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13. We shouldn’t belittle another’s pain. We feel things a little differently then the average joe. Others may not have the same pain tolerance! What may bring the average joe to their knees is something most of us deal with on a daily basis. For them it is more shocking, dramatic and immediate.

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14. Don’t push yourself to the point of exhaustion, because that just makes it worse.

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15. Listen to your body. If it tells you to rest, then rest.

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16. Fibromyalgia is a long haul situation. Try to accept that now. I think acceptance makes life easier.

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17. Don’t be ashamed to use mobility aids if you need to! It does not mean it is the end of the world. Those aids are there to help us, not shame us.

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18. Find your new normal, slow your pace of life and say NO if you have to!

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19. You don’t have to fight all the time. Retreat and regroup!

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20. Be more purposeful with your days. By that I mean instead of just trying to get through them, try to be actively present throughout the day. Check in with your mind, body and surroundings often. Catching any off moments, can prevent the pain from getting worse.

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21. Look after yourself. Do things according to how you feel and how your body feels. Don’t pressure yourself and be patient!

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22. Keep up on electrolytes. We burn through them faster then people without fibromyalgia.

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23. Deep relaxation and meditation helps.

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24. You are not weak. Having to survive and get by in daily pain is something only tough people can do! Let the insensitive comments roll off your shoulders.

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25. Find new hobbies you can succeed it. It helps take your mind off the pain!

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26. Do something every day that warms your heart!

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27. Do your best, because that is good enough!

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28 . Do not give up. Pain is real. It is very tough, but not stronger then our hope!

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29. You don’t have to try to be positive every second of every day! It is okay to say, ” this is really S***. I can’t do this today and wallow. As long as it isn’t everyday!

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30. I tell myself, ” yes today is rough” and I allow myself to take it easy!

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31. Don’t try to do everything all at once. Don’t feel guilty or berate if you are not able to get things accomplished. Do listen to your body. Rest when you need to.

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32. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Remember every day is different.

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33. What works for one person might not work for someone else. Keep trying different things.

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34. You don’t have to validate your pain to others.

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35. Accept that a sofa day is not being lazy, it is healing yourself.

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36. Accept that not everyone will understand that your pain is real. Don’t worry about them, worry about you!

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37. Don’t be scared to ask for help. If people offer you help, don’t be afraid to accept it.

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38. Focus on what you can do, rather then what you can’t do! ad

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39. Don’t let family or friends push you into doing more than you can.

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40. Do not let fibromyalgia define who you are!

What I wish I knew early diagnosis of fibromygia!

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1. Learn to slow down and pace myself! Fibromyalgia requires you to slow down so you don’t cause a flare up to form! It also helps reserve energy. I wish I was told this earlier on. I could have prevented so many flare ups from forming. You may not get everything done that you wanted to in a day and that is ok. Learn to prioritize what is most important. There are many days where I have a list of things I want to get done. I may only get to one or two on the list.

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2. Health care providers stress self care with fibromyalgia! I wish I knew how important this truly is when dealing with chronic pain. Most times our lives get so busy to even factor in self care, but once you are diagnosed with fibromyalgia or any chronic pain condition self care becomes so important. Make sure to take the time for you! Even if you can’t manage to take say 30 consecutive minutes, I am sure 5 minutes is possible. I noticed once I started to take time for me to wind down or relax my pain levels stay a bit lower.

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3. I wish I would have known how important self advocacy was earlier on! I was always too scared or shy to speak up. After 3.5 years I have learned to use my voice! After all, we know our body best and know what may work and not work by gaging from our limitations. I feel by not speaking up sooner, I have now gotten labelled as being “difficult” by many health care professionals. It is not that I am difficult, I now know what works and what doesn’t. Repeating failed treatment routes is not where I want to find myself. It only causes frustration and anxiety to form!

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4. I wish I knew that there was more to fibromyalgia then just chronic pain! When we see the list of possible symptoms that can occur along side fibromyalgia, we often think it isn’t possible. Reality is it is possible! As the months pass, I often find myself dealing with a new symptom.

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5. Fibromyalgia is not a uniform condition. Everyone’s fibromyalgia journey will look very different! What works for some people, will not work for others. Do not compare yourself to others with fibromyalgia. This is not how the condition works. Remember, your body does not read like a textbook. Just because a symptom or solution is listed on a site or book, doesn’t mean it will be successful! Keep exploring ideas for relief if one option fails. I have watched several attempts fail, but I keep searching for something new to try!

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6. I didn’t realize I would grieve my diagnosis before I could accept it! Fibromyalgia is a very debilitating condition with no cure. It took me three years to come to terms with the fact that my life is very different now. Fibromyalgia takes a-lot away from a person and you need to learn to accept and adjust to the new normal! Don’t feel weak if you are grieving. Grieving does not make you weak!

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7. That I would come across many people who do not understand fibromyalgia. There will be many insensitive comments and gestures be made. Remember, it is lack of knowledge and understanding fibromyalgia at work here! Many doctors and health care providers don’t quite understand fibromyalgia themselves. Friends and family may make remarks that are hurtful and insensitive! Try to share information you know to be true about fibromyalgia to help educate people around you – to be able to somewhat understand the condition!

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8. How exhausting fibromyalgia actually is. We are always told that fatigue is a symptom of fibromyalgia, I never realized how much fatigue would control my life. The exhaustion is not simply just being tired. It is a complete life altering fatigue to the point where it can become difficult to take care of your basic needs. Early diagnosis I had fatigue, but it has gotten worse over the years. Every task no matter how small it is, just drains every last energy reserve I had built up!

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9. I wish I would have known how important it is to listen to my body. As the saying goes your body never lies to you! If your body is telling you to rest, then rest. It is what it needs at that moment. We learn that being in tune with our body becomes an important survival mechanism needed when dealing with fibromyalgia.

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10. I wish I knew the amount of strength it requires to push through each day living with fibromyalgia. We are often thought to be weak because we can’t handle the pain levels. It is actually the opposite. It takes alot of courage and strength to live everyday in extreme pain levels and actually succeed to get at least something done in 24 hours!

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Fibromyalgia – I wish doctors and other health care providers could live in our shoes for a month! Would they be able to take part in their own recommendations?

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There are times I wish every health care provider we deal with could actually put themselves in our shoes for a month to see how it truly feels to live with chronic pain on a daily basis. I bet if they were faced with the chronic pain and other symptoms that they too would have a difficult time finding the energy to take part in all the recommendations to decrease pain levels. When health care providers recommend these routes, do they stop to understand the whole picture? Or are they just recommending these routes because according to science it works? Most times I now take many of the recommendations as a “grain of salt.” If you haven’t heard of the saying ” take it with a grain of salt” it simply means to not completely believe something that you are being told. During early diagnosis, I believed what I was being told could fix fibromyalgia. I soon learned that this was not the case and my body does not respond well to many of the recommendations.

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There have been many recommendations made to me that I should attend physiotherapy, massage therapists, and just learn to exercise more. I know health care providers mean well by recommending these treatments, but I know they don’t exactly understand how painful it can be for us who live daily with fibromyalgia. Adding chronic fatigue on top of the pain makes it very difficulty to find the courage to take part.

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I recently started physiotherapy for osteoarthritis in my lower back. After assessment I felt it might actually be a great decision. However, after my third appointment, I found myself in a full blown flare up. After almost a week of increased pain levels and major fatigue I am second guessing myself. A treatment that was supposed to help relieve my lower back and hip pain has turned into widespread jumping pain down to the bone. Most times we are told to push through and it will get easier- in most cases it doesn’t get easier and we are left bed ridden.

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I had the same experience when I attended a pain clinic and was working along side a kinesiologist. The basic stretches they gave me would send me into a complete spiral and I would go into a flare for days. After months of trying to slowly work stretches in without causing a flare up, I gave up. For myself the extra pain the stretches were causing was just too much to handle on top of my everyday pain I was dealing with.

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Massage therapy is often recommended to help relieve fibromyalgia. I am sure there are many out there that find it helpful, but I do not think it is the right route for me to take. I have never attended a massage therapist, but even the slightest pressure to my muscles hurt me. I could not even imagine someone trying to manipulate my muscles to make them feel less painful. Even a muscle roller where I can control the pressure causes extreme pain to form.

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Exercise! Don’t get me wrong, exercise is important, but it just isn’t as easy as it sounds when you factor in fibromyalgia. Is anyone else absolutely tired of being told to exercise more and fibromyalgia will get better? I was always told to get a gym membership and go to the gym, but reality is the gym is just too much for me to handle. They want me to use the treadmill to walk, but what they don’t understand is I can’t even walk fast enough on the warm up setting. A stationary bike was also recommended, but my legs burn so bad after 15 seconds of peddling and my knees begin to ache. When I step off the bike I feel like collapsing. I won’t push through because I will just end up in a flare.

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I often wonder why certain routes work with some people and not others. Does it come down to how severe your fibromyalgia is? I know fibromyalgia isn’t exactly classified as mild, moderate or severe, but some of my symptoms over the years have gotten worse. I can guarantee it isn’t because I don’t exercise and move. My doctor always said some people recover fully from fibromyalgia with adding some exercise and lifestyle changes , some improve and then hit a plateau and remain there, while others get worse. After speaking to many people on numerous fibromyalgia support groups world wide, I now realize how true his statement was. He believed I hit that plateau. We exhausted all routes we could possibly explore – it has now been quality of life based treatments.

What I took for granted before I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia!

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Being able to get out of bed. Before being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I always wished I could stay in bed just for ten more minutes when my alarm rang. When you live with fibromyalgia you soon learn just finding the courage to get out of bed every morning becomes overwhelming. Some days I get up and I find myself back in bed an hour later because sitting on the couch is painful, movement hurts and is unbearable or I cannot function at all. The chronic fatigue and pain can become very debilitating!

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Being able to shower and personal hygiene. Before I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a shower was refreshing, a way to wake up and relaxing at the same time. Showering never felt like I was using any energy. Now, showering can be painful and exhausting. The longer I stand in the shower – my legs begin to ache and my feet and toes hurt with jumping pain. I never know where the pain is going to hit next. Washing my hair makes my arms ache, feel heavy and my fingers begin to cramp up. I often get out of the shower feeling absolutely exhausted and find myself laying back in bed to recover! I never thought I wouldfind myself having to rest after showering. Some days even brushing my hair hurts. The brush touching my scalp can cause pain and if I comb over a few knots in my hair it can trigger my brain to send out migrating wide spread pain through-out my body! Even brushing my teeth can hurt at times. My hands may cramp up and ache, and my back begins to throb from standing in front of the sink

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Being social. I was never an overly social person, but I still went out to visit friends. Living with fibromyalgia I have become a home body. I do still try to keep in touch with friends through text or a quick call. I do miss going out for dinner, concerts or just hanging out in general. Being social and interacting with others when living with chronic pain can become exhausting. Even carrying out a conversation is difficult at times as I suffer from brain fog and often search for my words.

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Sleeping without any issues or waking up feeling refreshed. Since I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia I have not been able to get a decent night sleep. I took part in a sleep study which revealed normal findings. The pain constantly wakes me up all night long, or insomnia decided to attack. I often lay in bed and experience “painsomnia”. – exhausted but in too much pain to sleep. Even when I do manage to get a full night rest, without waking up I wake up feeling exhausted and I can’t function!

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Grocery shopping. Before fibromyalgia, I used to automatically go grocery shopping every Saturday or Sunday morning to prepare for my busy week ahead. It just becomes a routine. Now to find the energy to drive to the grocery store is hard enough yet alone shopping. I have a difficult time pushing a grocery cart once it begins to fill with food. It absolutely exhausts me. After walking two or three aisles, the chronic fatigue sets in and it feels like I am dragging fifty pound weights behind me. I often have to rest the after shopping. Some times I can recover other times it becomes a movie day because shopping has proven to be too much.

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Standing and walking. We learn at such a young age to stand and walk. As adults, it just comes naturally. I was one of those people who was not in a rush to get my drivers license as I grew up in a small town where walking everywhere was feasible. I used to walk to the stores, work ect. Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I am lucky to make a 15-20 minute walk. My feet hurt when I stand and I get major pain in my back. I miss just being able to go for daily walks.

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Being able to work. Most people can’t wait for a day off of work to rest and just relax. I was like that before fibromyalgia. Now, I wish I could work! I’ve had to remain off of work due to the forever changing symptoms , pain and fatigue. Fibromyalgia is unpredictable! I miss socializing with coworkers, providing for myself and being independent. I do count myself lucky as I receive disability, but when on disability it is a fixed income that is lower then what I would make working full time! Cost of living continues to increase, but my monthly income remains the same.

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Being able to be physically active. I used to be someone who was always on the go – biking, hiking, walking ect. Now, I have a difficult time walking up a set of stairs or taking a walk for even 15 minutes. The first thing doctors or health care providers tell someone with fibromyalgia is to exercise. How do you exercise when you do not have any energy to do it?

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Being able to travel. Before fibromyalgia took a front seat in my life, I was spontaneous and travelled all the time. Now travelling takes alot of preplanning. It is exhausting having to imagine every single scenario that could cause chronic pain to increase or go out of control. I find even driving 10 minutes too much for me these days.

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Cleaning and laundry. We all hate cleaning and laundry! However it is part of life. When you factor in fibromyalgia, both tasks become overwhelming. I often try to break up cleaning into smaller tasks to make it manageable. After I vacuum and wash floors I am struggling with lack of energy, major fatigue and pain through out my body or stop many times to rest. I often find myself having to lay down for several hours after. Folding laundry causes my finger joints to ache and my arms feel like they are on fire. I have found myself hanging most of my clothing in the closet to avoid folding so many articles of clothing.

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Eating without pain. Eating a meal when you live with chronic pain can be challenging. Most times we eat and don’t really think about it. For myself I developed TMJ and my jaw hurts and locks if I bite down wrong or if I attempt to eat certain foods. I am often left with jaw pain after every meal. Some days even eating with a fork or spoon creates pain. To grasp the cutlery may cause my hands and finger joints to ache. I have been telling health care providers lifting food to my mouth and chewing the food makes me exhausted.

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Having a chronic illness/condition is a full time job!

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If you have been forced to remain off work or given up your career due to a chronic condition, people often assume you don’t work! Having to live daily trying to manage the condition can actually become a full time job! A chronic condition is just that- chronic. There are many aspects that need addressing when you live with a condition that can become debilitating like fibromyalgia.

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Before we even get a diagnosis we are often already adjusting life so we can function better. As we slowly adjust, we sit and wait for answers. Fibromyalgia is not an immediate diagnosis and is a process. We wait for tests to be completed, referral letters to be accepted and in general waiting for answers to why we hurt so much. Waiting can actually become a full time job in itself. You must be prepared for any upcoming appointments. As we prepare and wait for these appointments we keep on adjusting our lives to be able to get through the days the best we can.

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Once diagnosed or even before, we have to learn how to live with a chronic condition. The life we once knew is no more and a new ‘normal’ needs to be found. One must learn their limitations and adjust life around those limitations. This is not an easy task! Nor does it happen overnight. It takes time. When you finally think you have it figured out, fibromyalgia decided to throw you an unexpected curve ball to knock you off track. New symptoms can arise daily and we are left scrambling trying to figure out a possibly remedy.

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Self advocacy takes a-lot of time, preparation and energy. Do you know how many hours I have spent writing down medical information to share with doctors?! Too many to even remember! There are many questions to ask doctors or specialists, symptoms to be logged, medication lists, possible treatment routes, ways to lower pain….the list goes on and on. If we don’t advocate for ourselves who will!

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Medication management. My medication list seems to grow longer and longer every year. It used to bother me that I had to be on so many medications, but I decided if I can function why should I be ashamed for using these medications!? I often thought people would think I was just a “drug addict”. Believe me, I tried to go medication free at the beginning of my fibromyalgia journey. The pain was too excruciating! I have daily medications I have to remember to take. I have to continuously manage how many days worth of medications I have left so I do not run out. When I go to the pharmacy, I often tell the pharmacy staff this is my second home as I’m there so much picking up medications and speaking to the pharmacists. Most medications I use leave behind side effects. These side effects also need managing. I may take medications to manage my pain, but these meds may leave behind numerous side effects to deal with.

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Having to manage 24/7 symptoms can become exhausting then to add in a flare up makes managing pain even more complicated. Most of us learn to manage our flare ups, but there are times where our flare ups appear and we are left scrambling to find new strategies to try to find relief. Even on our most excruciating pain day there is no break because we have to always “troubleshoot” our own bodies. A strategy used yesterday may not help the next day! It is rather exhausting to always try to manage chronic pain.

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Managing mental health. Often times when we are left dealing with a chronic illness, our mental health can become rather low. I know for myself I developed an anxiety disorder. We must learn to lower stress levels, anxiety and depression. High stress levels contribute to fibromyalgia flares and increased pain levels. We may need to take time through out the day to complete calming exercises to help lower stress and pain levels.

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Attending weekly appointments or treatments. Often times we are encouraged to attend a program such as a pain clinic. Appointments can possibly be daily (Monday to Friday) depending on how your program is set up. You may be required to work with a kinesiologist one day, psychiatrist the next day and so on. Attending the appointments can be exhausting and leave us with higher pain and symptoms to manage after the fact.

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Make sure to rest. People with a chronic illness such as fibromyalgia need to be sure to pace and rest when needed. Resting doesn’t sound like a hard task to do, but when it comes to fibromyalgia it can be. You need to learn to stop and rest at certain times. I decide when I need to rest from fatigue levels and pain levels. If I am cleaning and all of a sudden I notice dark bags under my eyes form, I know I need to stop and rest. If I do not, a flare up begins to start! Again this can be quite time consuming to be able to predict when to rest appropriately.

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Researching. Fibromyalgia is not well understood. Some doctors have a great understanding of fibromyalgia while others do not. I often find myself researching a lot on my own. Knowledge is power. Arm yourself with as much information as you can. Researching when you have a chronic illness that is forever changing daily can take up alot of time.

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Ten things NOT to say to someone with fibromyalgia or any chronic condition

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1. Don’t tell me everything will get better. Fibromyalgia is a neurological condition with no cure. We can’t predict the course it will take. Some people find improvement, while others may never find any relief.

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2. Don’t tell me to get more sleep because I say I’m fatigued. Did you know with fatigue, sleep does not improve the situation. Don’t get me wrong sleep is important, but with chronic fatigue, no matter how much sleep you get you don’t feel refreshed!

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3. Don’t tell me to exercise. We are constantly told to exercise to improve fibromyalgia symptoms. Exercise may help relieve some symptoms, but it is not a cure!

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4. Don’t tell me at least it isn’t fatal. It might not be fatal, but living with chronic pain 24/7 is life altering and debilitating. Fibromyalgia wears you down little by little. A chronic illness diagnosis is almost like getting a life sentence.

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5. Don’t tell me I should get a job to distract my pain. If I could work I would. If my doctor deems me not fit to work, that is just how it is going to be.

6. Don’t tell me you also have the same aches and pains as I do. We may both have back pain, knee pain ect, but chronic pain is more intense then your regular sore back from sitting too long in an office chair.

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7. Don’t ever tell me it is all in your head. This comment shows me lack of respect and understanding! If you must know it is all in my head – its a neurological condition!

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8. Don’t ever say you are too young to have fibromyalgia. Age has nothing to do with it. Even children can be diagnosed with fibromyalgia!

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9. Don’t ever say fibromyalgia isn’t real. If fibromyalgia wasn’t a real condition doctors would not be diagnosing so many people with it. There is also research to back up fibromyalgia does exist. It is just not well understood!

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10. Do not ever tell me I don’t look sick! Fibromyalgia is an invisible condition – with over 100 symptoms.

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Why do some doctors stigmatize fibromyalgia!?? My personal experience!

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Why is there such a stigma attached to fibromyalgia!? Why do some doctors believe fibromyalgia is a real condition, while other doctors do not accept fibromyalgia as a diagnosis!? I was lucky that the doctor I first started to see in regards to fibromyalgia had an in-depth understanding of it and was supportive over the last 2.5 years. My doctor relocated last spring and I have been left seeing walk in clinic doctors at different clinics. I find it absolutely insulting the way some of the doctors reaction to the fact I have fibromyalgia. I often feel like having a fibromyalgia diagnosis on my file, red flags me right away.

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I recently had to visit the local hospital due to the fact I had severe lymph node pain in my neck. After a three hour wait in emergency, the doctor spent literally 40-50 seconds with me in the exam room. He began asking me questions such as how long have I had a sore throat, cough, swollen lymph nodes and fevers. Any of us who live with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue often suffer from all the above daily. I told the doctor I had fibromyalgia and his whole demeanor changed after mentioning this to him. He got frustrated that I could not answer his questions and soon dismissed me from the exam room after I told him a second time I could not verify how many days I ran a fever. Dismissed me without even addressing my sore throat. I got left sitting in a dark waiting room by myself where my anxiety began to rise. I left the hospital untreated and hysterical. I believe the fact I mentioned fibromyalgia made him think I was just at the hospital to pill shop or that my pain in my lymph nodes was not severe and made up. I would say this was the worst health care I have ever received in my life. I rarely go to the hospital, but the pain in my lymph nodes in my neck was so severe all I could do was sit and cry. At that point, the lymph node pain was more severe then my fibromyalgia pain when I am in a flare!

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Later that morning I decided to attend a walk in clinic since I had no luck at the hospital. A clinic I had never gone to. A clinic where the physicians do not know my file and severity of fibromyalgia. The doctor did address my lymph node pain, but was more focused on the MRI results I had over a year ago. I had to keep repeating over and over that my MRI results were being overseen by my neurologist and to not worry about it. He soon found on my file that I have fibromyalgia and then told me my lymph node pain was caused by anxiety. There is a belief that anxiety can cause enlarged, swollen lymph nodes, but all the articles I read state its a highly controversial subject. There isn’t a medical connection between lymph nodes and stress. Lymph nodes function to fight off an infection. They do not swell to fight off anxiety. Again I left the clinic without treatment of my swollen painful lymph nodes. Instead the doctor concentrated more on my fibromyalgia and the fact I have high anxiety. His advice- lower your anxiety and the lymph node pain would reside. I actually had no anxiety until the hospital incident earlier that morning.

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This morning I decided to go back to the clinic for a second opinion. I finally was heard. I have strep throat, tonsillitis and my right ear was starting to get infected!! That was three days since I saw the other two doctors. I had been sick for awhile, since these infections don’t just appear over night.

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In the past I have also had to see different doctors for prescription refills and have to explain and defend why I am on each and every medication. If these doctors would look at my file, they would see these prescriptions have been in use consistently and prescribed by the same doctor before he moved. Some doctors feel like we are pill shopping, when we are not! I have left the clinic without prescription refills because the doctor did not want to refill them. Thankfully my neurologist stepped in and gave me 15 months worth of refills on several medications.

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Why is it I have a difficult time getting my medications for fibromyalgia refilled, but someone else who needs the same drug for depression not have an issue!? Because fibromyalgia is stigmatized by many doctors. Sadly in this day and age I thought the stigmas would have been eliminated by now. Why should people with fibromyalgia defend their medication list each and every time they see a different doctor!? The truth is we shouldn’t have to. Nor should we feel like we have been denied care because a physician doesn’t understand fibromyalgia and continues to think it is caused by mental instability. After this experience, I was left feeling crazy, unheard and with high anxiety. I should not be left feeling unheard because fibromyalgia is marked on my file!

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